Surprises from the Past
Mar 19, 2018
It's taken me a long time to post this. This originated in September 2017. Something hit me during a trip to San Francisco. Something unexpected!
It started on the Wednesday night that I arrived...we were staying at a hostel for one night and, upon showing up, I discovered we didn't have a private washroom, as I had expected. We were in a room with a shared hall washroom.
And I did not react well to this!
It took me until the next morning to really figure out why I had such a strong reaction to this situation.
I grew up in a loving and wonderful home. Despite living on/under the poverty line, I was more than taken care of and had all requirements, plus some extras. I had it pretty good. We lived in the country, I was surrounded by a great community, and...
...we had an outhouse until I was in my teens (which was still an outhouse, but it had a sink and a light in it, and it was right off the porch).
When you're young, the experiences of judgement - both self-imposed and by others - affect you whether you are aware of them or not. I remember this as being less embarrassing and more either normal or an adventure. Yet, it seems to have affected me more than I had thought!
That following morning in San Francisco, I woke up and it hit me why this situation was affecting me so much.
I have worked incredibly hard in my life to not be in the situation I was in as a child - and I'm still working on improving the abundance in my life. This is a sensitive subject for me as I'm not where I was, and I'm not yet at the level of financial success that I desire for myself, my family, and my future family.
I place judgement on myself for being "lesser than" based on the situation I grew up in. I am in a constant cycle of proving (to myself) my financial worth and abundance.
Going on "vacation" and not staying at a nice hotel (for just one night), and having to share a bathroom, made me feel lesser than and brought up these old feelings of (self) judgement for my place in this society.
So here's the practice (that I'm still working on):
- Notice and become aware of the triggers
- Look into the emotions and judgements behind the reaction - without judgement
- Question the expectations leading to the reaction
And here's the big one:
- Place your hands on your heart and breathe into your truth
Because...are you ready for a hard truth?
...
...
...
You Are Enough!
I'm still working on this...even posting that I great up with an outhouse is terrifying me (and making me cringe). But the strength to actually post is coming from my truth - my oneness - and knowing that I am enough.
You Are Enough Loves!
Namasté,
~Alannah
