I had a strange experience on Sunday evening.
I went to an event and the audience was asked to participate by sharing what we hoped to get out of the evening. The group seemed pretty quiet, but a few brave people shared. The facilitator of the event wanted a little more. The energy of the room was tense and apprehensive. I realized that no one else was going to share, so I put my hand up.
When I stood up to share, I caught the energy of the room and shared in a very timid way.
I did not stand in my strength. I did not take a deep breath. I did not pull my shoulders back. And, I did not remind myself that I stand in the front of a room, on a daily basis, holding the space, opening my heart, and teaching yoga. I did not remind myself that I command attention over loud music and and the discomfort of a spin class.
I allowed the energy of the room to influence how I presented myself in that moment.
I allowed the other people in the room, with their nervous energy, to affect how I thought I was expected to show up. I allowed expectation to prevent me from sharing with strength.
I held back. I was timid. I was shy. I was unsure.
In the moment, I realized what was happening. It was like I was looking at myself and saying: "What are you doing!? Take a deep breath. You can do this! You do this!"
This life, it's a practice. In previous moments of sharing, I wouldn't have noticed what I was doing. I call this a win, that I was aware of my timid energy.
Yes, I wish I had taken a deep breath and shook off the energy of the room. Yes, I wish I was an example of how to stand in your strength in that moment. Yes, I would have liked to project a different energy.
I experienced it, I noticed it, I have learned.